I’ve been pretty active, in the last two months or so, on various social networks–Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest, Tumblr, Google+, and GoodReads (although Facebook and Pinterest definitely have the lion’s share of my attention). As part of this activity, I have befriended a number of authors on Facebook and “liked” a large number of author pages (through my association with Novel Publicity, which I’ve mentioned before). For the most part, these new friends and acquaintances have been great–I’ve cyber-met a lot of awesome folks, and have been privy to many interesting blog posts, pictures, and books that I would very likely not have known about otherwise.
And then there was this one guy. That guy.
Oh, you know who I’m talking about. Your version of that guy might not be the same as my version of that guy, but we all know the type (because we all, unfortunately, probably have at least one of these individuals on our various lists): That one person who never says anything, never comments on anything, never sets fingers to keyboard unless it’s to relentlessly self-promote. And he’s not a quiet, occasional presence, either (are they ever?). “The cover of my book is truly spectacular–and the content is even better!” he’ll exclaim at 12:45pm. “My background qualifies me as an expert in my field,” he’ll puff at 1:13pm, “which is why my book has positively affected so many people.” “Check out this 5-star review on my book,” he’ll say at 1:30pm. “Have you purchased my book?” he’ll ask at 1:52pm. “This book will change your life,” he’ll muse at 2:17pm, thoughtfully providing us with the link to his book’s Amazon page.
It’s time to get the hell outta Dodge, I’ll think at 2:18pm, as I hustle on over to his Facebook page and click “unlike.” Ah, bliss. Suddenly, my feed is quieter. Cleaner. I no longer feel the need to punch something small and defenseless.
Honestly, I’m almost a little shocked that this guy has followers at all. Maybe he just has a really big family. Then again, the “Hide all posts by _______” is a very handy Facebook feature. I just didn’t go that route since I didn’t want to give him the satisfaction of having my “like” when I very decidedly didn’t “like” him.
Social networking, guys and gals, is a science. An art. Not even Twitter, with its 140-character “What are you doing? Is it mundane? We don’t care! Tell us anyway!” vibe lends itself to this kind of unrelenting banging of the self-promotion hammer. No one is that awesome. And, certainly, no one wants to hear you talk, on loop, about how awesome you think you are.
I wish I knew this person well enough to take him by the virtual hand and make him see how he’s actually hurting his brand. He’s making himself odious. He’s that kid at the front of the class who’s always raising his hand to answer the question, except he’s not even giving the right answer.
There are a few things that, I believe, everyone should keep in mind when they’re interacting with others, whether online, offline, informally, or professionally:
- Care about others. Sure, it’s nice to have others care about you, but it’s also nice to return the favor–and return it sincerely. If you put love out there, you’ll get love back. Put nothing but promotional squawking, and all you’ll get in return is meaningless white noise.
- Make bonds. You don’t have to become besties with everyone you meet online. But take the time to get to know a few people, learn some of their idiosyncrasies, and create a little tribe of like-minded folk. Social networking’s a lot more fun when it’s, you know, social.
- Reply with thoughtful answers. Not everything has to tie back to you and your work. Sometimes, just listening to what someone has to say, or reading what someone has taken the time to type, and replying with a comment that indicates that you’ve given it more thought than simply, “How can I make a buck out of this?” is all you need.
- Don’t make it all about you. Because it’s not. In fact, it almost never is. At its core, life is about the relationships we have with others.
- Add value by your presence. The more thoughtless, self-centered, and self-serving your answers, the more devaluated they become. The less value something has, the easier it is to ignore. Eventually, you’ll just blend into the background, an annoying fruit fly that you only notice when you swat at it.
- Shut up and listen. You might learn something when you stop being enamored with the sound of your own voice, or the look of your own words.
Do I sound bitter? I’m not. Do I sound angry? Well, I was–a little. This guy took the time to join a group of very nice, very genuine people, and didn’t do it for the experience at all. He only did it to see how quickly he could sell more books. And that, my friends, is no way to sell at all.
But at least he did remind me of what’s important when relating to others.
It’s getting them to buy whatever it is I’m selling. Right?
Hi, Anne. I know what you mean. I try to ignore the few of those that I “know”. Maybe they don’t realize it. Could that be? Are they just a bit “thick”. Some are so sweet, but all I ever hear out of them is “look at me”. I work through and around an 11-hour day job, keeping my iPhone close at all times, hoping to steal moments where I can touch base with people. It isn’t easy to do. I do know I really work to throw way more love around for others than I do for myself. For me, it’s so much more fun that way.
Have a great week.
-Jimmy
I completely agree, Jimmy. I’m a firm believer in throwing good out into the universe–the good has a much greater boomerang effect than the “me-me-ME” vibe. “Feelers,” was what one of my high school teachers used to call it. If you put good “feelers” out into the world, you’re making inroads into the better side of life. Sending you some karmic love!
I unlike “that guy” and unfollow them on Twitter. We all have books to sell, just don’t be so obnoxious about it. I use Tweetcleaner every so often to get rid of “that guy.” I have one now that I’m about to delete. All they Tweet about is how wonderful their book is. All the time. All the freaking time. That’s it. No mention of anything else, no comments just relentless Twittering about their fabulous book. Yes, please, don’t be “that guy”, I’m begging you.
Kathleen, what is this Tweetcleaner you speak of? I must research it!
I do a periodic cleansing of all social networks every few months or so, too–if you add no value, off you go. It is certainly one of the better aspects of social networking; there’s no awkward conversation, no avoiding of the phone calls, no need to worry about finding a new dry cleaner because you don’t want to run into the ex-friend. Just press “unlike” or “unfollow” and you’re all set! It applies to us, too, though, which makes me want to keep on top of my karmic game even more.
Thanks for commenting!
Add to that the person who, every time they meet someone new, they attach their 30 second pitch, and five links. Enough already. Geez!
YES! How could I have forgotten that particular brand of that guy? They’re so prevalent on Twitter (although kudos to them for distilling their pitch into a single sentence without using “ur” instead of “your” or “2″ instead of “too”)!
I have met that guy! Honestly I just ignore them. Maybe I’m lucky so far because I follow a lot of people who have intresting articles, pictures, and great personalities. Wow, there is some wonderful things to find through socail networking:) I have picked up some really good indie books too!
Hey Lynn! I try to ignore them, too, I promise–it takes a special kind of that guy to get me to actually unlike a page or unfriend a person. You are absolutely right, though, there are some wonderful people and resources out there that you can only find through social networking–and the books! You hit the nail right on the head–there are some wonderful indie books out there that I would never have heard of without social networking (but I’m definitely more likely to give a book a chance if the author doesn’t beat me over the head with entreaties to buy it!
). Thank you for reading and commenting!
I am not a patient person with “that guy,” in much the same way that I find myself flying into mini-rages whenever I encounter grammatical errors. Since this seems to be MY issue, I try not to inflict myself on others. “He’s an indie author,” I remind myself through gritted teeth. “He doesn’t know any better.” But at the end of the day, “that guy” SHOULD know better. If he had been paying any attention at all to his fellow group members, he should have quickly noticed that the other kids in class weren’t being relentless self-promoters. Unfortunately, not all children learn to pick up on social cues, and not all adults grasp the concept of give-and-take. Thanks for the post – this has been a phenomenon that has been chapping my hide quite a bit recently!
As you rightly say, Elizabeth, they should know better. Everyone should. If someone in real life–outside of the confines of the computer–were acting like this, coming up to you in the street, getting in your face, and aggressively trying to get you to buy something, we wouldn’t react kindly. We would tell them to buzz off (and, in fact, we do–think of all the hapless distributors of flyers on New York City streets, and of the vitriol telemarketers engender in the unfortunate recipients of their calls). Heck, simply getting “unliked” on Facebook could be considered a form of getting off easy. People can get pretty intense when they’re annoyed.
I totally get the grammar mini-rage. I have a particularly sensitive spot when it comes to misuse of the semi-colon.
I’m glad you enjoyed the post! Thank you for commenting!
There are so many of these guys and gals out there and it does get annoying to visit your network for updates only to be bombarded with sales pitches.
I take another route entirely in that I promote authors before myself, offering interviews and book reviews and simply sharing and tweeting their links and contests. I’ve met Karma and she can be very nice, although sluggish, and those who think otherwise are doing something wrong.
Thank you for making the effort to vent and teach, it’s a lesson so valuable I hope everyone finds it.
I completely agree with your point, Sarah–I believe that if you help others out, you’ll find yourself much more likely to receive help back when you need it. Not everyone may step up to the plate, but many will–but they won’t if all they’ve heard from you is “me-me-me-buy-buy-buy.”
Thank you for reading and commenting! May the Karma be with you!
Sadly too many self-pubbed authors seemed to devolve into OMIGAWDZYOUHAFFTOREADMYBOOKRIGHTNOW! Over and over and OVER again. I don’t mind a little self-promotion, if you get a 5 star review that’s great! More than likely I’ll end up clicking on it to see if it’s worth my time reading. But saying something about your book every fifteen minutes or so is downright annoying.
Great post!
You’re being charitable by saying it’s merely “annoying.” I would use a much stronger word, but I’m trying to keep things PG-13. As you say, letting people know about a five-star review or a selling milestone is great–I love sharing in others’ triumphs! But bombarding me with mundane blubber just to have a chance to plug your book is just going to get you blocked or deleted–and I know I’m not the only one who feels that way.
Thanks for reading and commenting (and for giving me a chuckle with “OMIGAWDZYOUHAFFTOREADMYBOOKRIGHTNOW”)!
I was once that guy, but even I got bored with me. Now I’m this guy.
John Paul Allen recently posted..Five Jobs I’ve Worked
It’s always better to be this guy than that guy. I’m glad you’ve left the Dark Side. Trust the Force.
Congratulations! You’ve been nominated for a Beautiful Blogger Award! Click here for more info: http://emilystealeaves.wordpress.com/2012/05/14/the-beautiful-blogger-award/
PS I know this isn’t your most recent post, but it seemed insensitive to write something like this after your Maurice Sendak eulogy. I’ve not commented before but I do love your posts.
emily wheeler recently posted..The Beautiful Blogger Award!
Hey, Emily! Thanks for this–it made my day! I’m so glad you enjoy my posts and ramblings–it takes a special kind of brain to keep up with the insanity. I’ll display my award proudly!
Pingback: They’ve clearly lost their mind: I’ve been nominated for the Beautiful Blogger Award » Anne Chaconas, Writer